Limitations and Boundaries
Posted by Sarah McCann on Monday, February 22, 2010 Under: Communication
"Limitation is willful and childish" I believe this, but I also believe in boundaries. What is the difference between limits and boundaries? Limits are something one cannot exceed or pass, a restriction. Boundaries are something that mark a limit, but can be expanded, redrawn, recreated. I limited myself as a young person, often defining myself in negatives. I did not eat meat, I did not drink, I did not do drugs, I did not like this or that, I would never do this or that. All these things I learned something from, but it is when I began thinking and talking about the things that I did do and wanted to do that I found a direction in my life and proceeded accordingly. My limitations caught me, got me stuck, made it impossible for me to do and act. Someone recently recited the following F. Scott Fitzgerald quote to me, "The test of a first-rate intelligence is the ability to hold two opposing ideas in mind at the same time and still retain the ability to function." This is how we must live in the world today. I try to live with awareness and to cause as little suffering and as much peace as possible, but some of my actions will cause suffering. There is always another point of view where whatever limit one has set on oneself will not apply to all others. "The Tempest Tales" by Walter Mosley addresses this circumstance. It is about a black man in Harlem who is stopped from entering heaven because Saint Peter thinks that he has sinned. The man fights this, and says that in each case, his sin was the right thing to do. He is sent back to earth with an angel to prove his case. What sticks out most in my mind is his stealing an insurance card in order to save a woman's life so that she can get the medical treatment she needs. Depending on our circumstance we have to do the best that we can. A limit is something that does not allow one to see the other's point of view and why it may have been necessary for them to act in a way that from one's own point of view seems wrong, even if that action was the best thing that they could do. Boundaries allow us to set limits for ourselves, but alter them as necessary. It is like meeting new people, I cannot share everything of myself with someone that I just met so I carefully reveal a little at a time. If I limit this revelation, the relationship gets stuck and will not be satisfying in any way to the parties involved. If I allow my boundaries to be redrawn and redefined as I get to know a person, then we can achieve something deep and meaningful. It is this redefinition that is necessary for progress and not progress in the way it is often used in our society as meaning largest profits at least expense and leaps in technology without regard for consequence, but progress as a becoming, a recognition of our humanity, and a furthering of our connections and understanding. "Our duty as men and women is to proceed as if limits to our abilities did not exist."
I looked for the source of this quote and realized it was a fortune cookie!
In : Communication
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